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The week ahead: a bitchfest of Old Testament proportions
Conrad Astley17/ 2/2006
A WEDDING-VOW renewal themed on Pride And Prejudice, a new
character with a supermodel girlfriend, and a guest appearance from
Joan Collins.
It can only mean one thing -
Footballers' Wives
(Thursday, ITV1) is back. Expect more of the same camp, glitzy
antics - mums having flings with their sons' best friend, before
passing the hermaphrodite baby off as their grandson, that sort of
thing.
As the show is arguably the Dynasty of the noughties, bagging Joan
Collins must have been the producers' crowning glory. She puts in
an appearance later in the series as businesswoman Eva De Wolffe,
and a bitchfest of Old Testament proportions ensues when she comes
up against Zoe Lucker's Tanya.
And on the subject of shoulder pad wearing, backstabbing,
self-serving would-be tycoons - this week also sees the return of
The Apprentice (Wednesday, BBC2).
For those who might care, there's a chance to catch up with one of
the show's "stars" in
The Apprentice: Tim In The Firing
Line (Sunday, BBC2). Tim Campbell beat 12 equally
unlikable morons in the selling their grandmother to clamber up the
greasy pole competition, getting the dream job of working for Sir
Alan Sugar.
If that's his dream, I would hate to see what his nightmare would
be. The £700m business honcho seems to storm around shouting at
people, barking about how nothing's good enough for him. Maybe mum
was right all those years ago when she said it could never buy you
happiness.
But if you thought the contestants vying up for a bit of Sugar were
laughable, have a look at the latest reality TV offering.
The Armstrongs (Wednesday, BBC2) shows things have
come full circle. While The Office was a brilliantly observed
satire on this format, Ricky Gervais could have just not bothered,
and waited a few years for John and Ann Armstrong to come
along.
The couple in this docusoap run a conservatory firm in Coventry,
and come out with more David Brent-isms than you could shake a big
stick at. They boast they are in the top five per cent of UK window
companies, and while trouser-wearing Ann runs the show, John runs
around getting enraged by her hair-brained schemes.
As one of these is hiring a Zimbabwean motivational guru, it's not
difficult to see why.
This looks like it could be one of the funniest things on TV in
months.
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